Personal Growth
It’s time to get going. I’ve done my Bible reading, my studying, some writing, and had my coffee. But it’s still dark and a little chilly and I can’t resist sitting in my reading nook just a bit longer. Sitting in the quiet as the day lightens provides a delicious moment for some self-reflection.
I’ve seen some personal growth and I want to share it. Cataloging my wins encourages me to keep going, to stay in the fight, to see God’s grace.
Calm: Through all the ups and downs of the last 3.5 months, I’ve stayed fairly calm. January-April of this year I struggled with so much anxiety. This new calmness is a total HKV. I’ve worked and worked and worked to see and understand my home, to see and understand what needs to be done. From that understanding, I’ve found a sense of calm. I no longer feel regularly tossed about by every little upset or swept away by big disasters. I feel like the matron of my home, able to manage. I can’t tell you how excited I am and how thankful I am to feel calm. I’ve learned not to look too far ahead. Because much of my work is the same, I know what needs to be done. I can do the next thing without freaking out about the 20th thing on the list. I’ve learned that things change so freaking out is a waste because we know it’s going to happen. Head knowledge has become heart knowledge. I’ve learned through experience to trust the Lord and his love and care for me. Often when I feel overwhelmed, He providentially moves things: stop freaking out and trust the Lord. This isn’t an excuse to over-plan, but learning to trust His providence.
Health Education: I picked up a book on health and started reading it. Why is this such an HKV? Because I tend to get faint and nauseous when I have to deal with anything medical. Yes, I know, that’s weird because I’m into true crime. I can usually watch forensic files and look at crime scene photos with no problems, but start talking to me about symptoms, surgeries, or even take me near a hospital and I start to feel weak-kneed, light-headed, sweaty, and like I might vomit. I have borderline white-coat syndrome and hypochondria. Tell me you have a headache and I’ll probably start having one too. So much fun. (Just to be clear, I can’t do torture scenes. Death and mayhem, fine. Torture? Nope. No. Nope.)
This is why picking up a book on feminine health, and adding a couple of other health books to my reading list, is such a big deal. It’s the fruit of my labors to be a better homemaker and to purposefully and diligently tend my hearth. Health is part of that tending. If I want to do this job well, I can’t ignore the health of my home.
Side Note: it doesn’t matter how long you’ve done this, you can still learn new things and expand your skills. And, we don’t grow all at once. First I had to accept my responsibilities, then I had to grow in many many different areas to reach this point. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
Cleaning: I’m not a neat freak or a germaphobe. I like to have things tidy and in their place, but dishes in the sink don’t bother me, nor do piles of books, or even a few cobwebs. I’m more of a Molly Weasley than I am Aunt Petunia.
But! I do understand the psychological blessings of cleanliness, of sinks not covered in toothpaste and hair, of floors that aren’t gritty under your feet, and of gleaming windows. I know clean makes for a much happier home than dirt and messiness. I also know my husband is much more aware of dirt than I am and so part of tending my hearth is making sure I tend it for him and keep things clean.
With my health issues, I’ve struggled a lot with where to fit cleaning. I used to clean on Saturday—audiobook and scrub. I can’t do that anymore, not that intensely or that focused. I’ve tried different methods over the years and nothing worked. I need something sustainable, flexible, and simple.
Finally, I did what I do when I can’t find a system. I talked with Price. He’s good at coming up with systems. He made suggestions and I was able to calmly listen. Win-win! Having already gotten better at being calm, I was able to hear him, see what he was suggesting, ask questions, and then start play-testing the system. In the past, I would have passed out, sobbed, felt instantly overwhelmed, and wondered why I even engaged in the topic. Not this time. This time I was calm, controlled, and ready for his help. (I’m going to share the cleaning system in a different article. It’s too long to go into here and I’m still working some kinks out.)
This has been a hard year. It started with travel, snowstorms that showed my pantry needed help, maintenance work on our guest room, more travel, a lightning strike that caused electrical damage, a tree requiring emergency removal, my husband injuring his back, covid, vacation with the loss of a church member and two grandfathers, a child in our church passing, a minor but annoying roach infestation, house painting, finally getting some odds and ends repaired, and now we’re at the holidays. There have been almost no weeks this year where I didn’t have a contractor in the home for one thing or another. We’ve tackled major projects that have just sat around forever and major projects that fell in our lap. It’s been a year that started with me battling anxiety at every moment, and it’s closing with me learning to stay calm and keep shuffling things. I’ve streamlined systems so I know what the basics are and I’ve tackled being more purposed about our health.
It’s been a long, hard year, but it has been good. It’s been a character-building year. But for the first time in my life, I feel like the Matron of my home. I feel in control and aware of my home's needs and growth and struggles. I’m so thankful to have reached this point. I’m so thankful for this constant conversation between homemakers that is challenging me to go at my work lovingly and intentionally. I’m so thankful to be a HearthKeeper.
