Surviving Frantic Times

There are times in life when those of us who have chosen to keep life simple have that simple life turned upside down, when we don’t feel like we’re living a quiet life, working with our own hands, minding our own business, when those of us with a simple life wake up and find ourselves in the middle of an active life we didn’t sign up for.

Here are some practical steps you can take to deal with those times.

First, know your home’s baseline: whether intuitively or intentionally, you need to have an idea of your baseline. How long can your family go without you doing the laundry? How long can you go without shopping? How long without cleaning? Not maintaining optimum comfort level but at a we’re-not-dead-and-we’re-not-naked level. This can be as straightforward as everyone has ten days’ worth of underwear and we have three dinners in the freezer. This isn’t maintaining the standard of cooking, cleaning, and wardrobe availability you normally would, but a ‘national emergency’ level of housekeeping.

2 things:

●       This will require some testing which generally includes trials. You will either run out of underwear—oh! There’s my line—or you will see things can stretch a little further than expected and you’ll maybe have to toss some leftovers or force-feed them to growing kids.

●       DON’T STAY HERE! Once you find your basic baseline, you may be tempted to stay there because your chores are reduced and take so much less time and effort. Avoid this or things will pile up like dusting, sweeping under beds, washing rugs, comfort food, or pantry backstocks. You’ll wake up one morning and realize your home hasn’t been kept at all. Baseline housekeeping should be used only short term.

Second, communicate and set expectations: When you see a time of high activity coming or you wake up one morning and there it is, call a family meeting and set expectations. Explain what is causing the high activity and how it will affect the housekeeping and general functioning of the home. Ask for or order help as needed and depending on whether you’re talking to your husband or your children.

Third, invest in a backstock: Build and maintain a basic pantry backstock. Anything you use regularly and fairly quickly try to always have two on hand (or more for larger families). This is having one bag of flour in use, and one in back stock. When the in-use bag is done, move the back stock up and buy more. This will save your bacon both in times of franticness and also when you live in interesting times and don’t know what to expect when you walk into a grocery store.

Also, take advantage of pick-up and delivery services when life gets crazy or you’re dealing with the plague. Have those groceries delivered, even if some cans are dented or some fruit is less than the best. (Looking at you Walmart.)

Fourth, assess: Take a moment to think through whether this is just one of those times, or if this is chronic franticness. All of us should willingly inconvenience our homes for the sake of others. Stretching time and budgets to make a meal for someone in need, upsetting schedules to serve someone for a time, taking in aging parents, helping church families or with church activities, special training time for kids, times of in-home sickness or Dad working nights, Dad getting more training, or even homeschooling, which is taking on a full-time job on top of your homemaking, all these things are good ways to sacrifice some cozy things. What you need to watch is becoming chronically frantic. (Homeschooling being an obvious exception: yes it’s chronic, but you’re doing this by choice.)

If you’re always functioning at the baseline, always frantic, and can’t seem to pull yourself out of the tailspin, you need to evaluate if you’ve moved from sacrificial work to avoidance. See, all these outside-the-home commitments are fun and visible, which is addicting. If you sacrifice home comforts to make a meal for someone in need, that’s a good sacrifice the whole family can participate in, but if you do it to the long-term detriment of your family, you might be doing it for the praise of men. (The beneficiary of the meal is so much more expressive of their thanks than your family.) If you’re tending and keeping everyone but your own first, that’s a problem.

You may also be responding in a cowardly manner to social pressure. Learn to say “thank you but we can’t make it.” Learn that your family doesn’t need to sign up for everything. Learn to serve and let others serve. Remember seasons of life and phases. Don’t be so eager for the free-er time of teenagers that you miss the time of toddlers. (This is a great way to guarantee you won’t enjoy the teen stage either, because your kids are a mess.) So evaluate the frantic times. Is this a season or a state of being?

Fifth, don’t look too far ahead: When you’re in a frantic time (or dealing with chronic anxiety) shorten your perspective. Start your day with a big-picture overview, make sure you know what’s coming, and then ask yourself what’s the first thing that needs to be done right now. Once you have that, just do that. Don’t worry or even think about what’s next. Just do the first thing. When that’s completely done, ask what’s the next thing. I do this, frantic or not. I’m always tempted to inner-monologue like this: water plants, make the bed, do the dishes, tidy the bathrooms, start dinner, make lunch, update the budget, do more dishes, fold the laundry… on and on and on while watering the plants. I repeat that list over and over and over and over. Stop. Write it down and then just do the first thing and the first thing only without thinking about the next thing.

This will calm you down and focus you so you can do what you need to, even with interruptions. It’s all written down. Do the first things first and only.

Sixth, ask for help: When you find yourself in a short season of franticness, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Now if you’re just having one of those months where you’ve said yes to one too many social engagements, you might not want to ask for help with a meal. You might need to call someone up and admit you can’t make it. But if you’re in a time of sickness or tending to others, ask for help. Say your church is hosting a conference of some sort. You may decide to ask your family to sacrifice some normal comforts so you can help with that conference. You may ask someone to watch your kids so you can help. I’ve done this. I couldn’t help with a conference, but I could entertain a handful of nieces and nephews with some YouTube so my sisters were free to help.

You want to evaluate if you’re just passing the frantic back to someone else, but don’t be afraid to let people know you need help. Maids, matrons, and crones are all good resources. We women are the relational ones and the ones who generally know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you’re drowning. On the reverse side, you must be willing and courageous enough to say “no, I can’t” if people ask you for help and it’s not a good (meaning ‘wise’, not ‘convenient’) time for you. I promise you, people understand. No one is offended or talking about you. (And if they are, that’s on them, not you.)

Ladies, we’re first and foremost, keepers of our homes. Christ has called us to this work and we need to seek to do it well for His sake because He loves us. We strive for good management as a beautiful expression of the love He has for us and our trust in Him and His goodness. Remind yourself that this isn’t some boring, secondary, “well, I guess so” duty. Christ loves you, now go love your family by managing your home.