Attitude & Anticipation
Around and around the seasons pass. Children come, children grow. Husbands get older, wiser, weathered. Homes move or stay. Churches grow and churches diminish. Around and around and around the seasons pass under the sun. Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter. The moon cycles, waxing and waning, waxing and waning. The world is ever the same and ever-changing. We women are ever the same and ever-changing. Growing wiser as our youthful beauty fades, growing stronger as your strength withers. Life as a believer is always one of growing as you fade.
Getting the opportunity to see your growth is an encouragement to stay in the fight. This group, and writing our articles, has profited me greatly by forcing me to more intentionally observe my homemaking. Writing trains you, like any art, to be observant, to watch things and note them: people’s word choice, gait, non-verbal expressions, the forming of clouds, the blooming of flowers, the habits of birds, the sharp pain of cutting yourself or falling, the smell of a skunk or a rose, the taste of coffee or whiskey.
Focusing my writing on Homemaking has helped me to observe myself, to note my patterns, habits, thoughts, and such. And it has been so helpful! This is probably why some of the articles seem redundant or repetitive. You’re seeing me process, train, re-think, and observe homemaking.
There are two areas I’ve seen improvement, not perfection by any stretch of the imagination, but improvement: attitude and anticipation.
I know attitude is everything. My Mom taught me that, sometimes spanking it into my heart and sometimes giving me strongly-worded corrections. I know that even the worst job can become a delight and the best job robbed of everything wonderful by our attitudes. I’ve struggled a lot in this department my whole life. My default setting is a whiny martyr’s complex. I’m always looking to be rescued from things I don’t want to do. I loathe this about myself, that instant feeling of being put upon that always wants everyone to acknowledge how much I’m already doing, look at me, slaving away, pity me, praise me! UGH!
Let me tell you, this attitude will kill your homemaking and your home. Home will be a miserable place to be for you and everyone else. It will create unnecessary drama about everything big and little. I have been waging war on this attitude for a long, wearily long time. (Never out of the fight!)
The moment in 2017 when I started thinking proactively about my homemaking, when I started looking past nature to nurturing on purpose, when I started learning my craft, and started taking responsibility for my home, was a huge win for me. It changed my whole attitude about homemaking. Fast-forward 3 years, my hubby springs a vacation on me with less than a week’s notice and I’m responsible for everything, all the planning, booking, packing, and food, along with not losing touch with the normal running of the home up until vacation started. My past self would have had a meltdown, probably crying, probably unkind words said in an unkind tone, rampant anxiety, and I would have felt put upon. How dare he ask me to do this? Doesn’t he know how much I’m already doing? Me. Me. Me. Now. Now. Now.
Instead, by God’s kind mercy, I said okay and stepped back to look at my home overall. (Knowing the rhythms of your home makes all the difference in handling spur-of-the-moment anything.) I made a new plan, moved appointments, moved projects, prioritized, and shut down things with lists, lists, lists. I did not try to do everything. I shifted and shut things down. I noted what needed to be done for us to go and what could be done when we got back. I built on all the work I’ve been doing to manage my home so that I could quickly and easily switch gears.
Has it been perfect? No.
I’ve had moments of frustration, moments of that old martyr’s complex rising up, moments of do-not-ask-me-one-more-time-what-we’re-eating! But, overall it’s been very smooth and I have been much less anxious than I would have been in the past.
If you’re familiar with Lord of the Rings, you probably love Sam. My Mom and I have always said we need a Sam. He’s basically the wife of the whole group, taking care of everyone. And I don’t know a wife in the world who hasn’t felt at one time or another like it would be nice to have a wife herself. In the book, there is this line about Sam packing specific things as they leave the Shire in anticipation of those items being called for by Frodo somewhere down the road. Sam anticipates triumphantly producing them. I’ve always loved that moment because it is how I want to be. It requires a certain level of knowing someone better than they know themselves. It requires loving observation with a goal of serving. It is fixing favorite meals, washing favorite shirts. On vacation, it’s picking a place you know he will find restful and packing things he’ll wish for later even if he didn’t ask for them to be packed.
My goal this vacation wasn’t me. It was him. Him relaxing. This is huge! Normally, my goal would be to rest and be alone with my books and movies as much as possible. But I tried, based on all I’ve been studying, to think of this as not MY vacation, but my opportunity to help my husband unwind and rest. This changed everything for me. I packed with anticipation. I tried to observe what he enjoyed and what bothered him. I went out of my way to have a food plan, to bring snacks, to make things smooth for him. Honestly, I looked at this vacation not as a vacation but as a new way to keep my hearth.
And you know what?
We’ve had a great vacation.
In the past, I would have balked, fearful that if I didn’t stand for myself then I was going to be walked all over. If I didn’t demand relaxation, no one would let me relax. Instead, being willing to not ‘be on vacation’ gave me room to appreciate all the things Price did for me to make sure I rested too. He picked the route to our retreat, bought me a new vest, cookbook, and a unique tool for my kitchen, made sure I didn’t start trying to do my normal chores while we were home, and on top of all that, he’s worked hard so that we can afford to take vacations.
Instead of focusing on me, I focused on him and you know what I found? I was richly cared for and refreshed too!
I’m thankful for the blessing of seeing growth in my abilities and growth in my thinking. I’m thankful for a better attitude and the ability to anticipate. I hope I can hold onto my wins and remember to keep my eyes off myself and focus on his care. I’m sure a whole new round of temptation and battling sin will explode around me the minute I finish writing this and he wants to know the plan for lunch. But I’m going to try to hold onto what I’ve learned and anticipate our needs without feeling put upon.
God is good and does good. God is sanctifying us. I’m thankful for the opportunity to see it. In what ways has God worked on your attitude? Are you seeing improvement?
