Layers, Part 1

The early morning quiet settles in around the house. Just coffee, a pile of books, and silly texts sent between the early rises of the family. Open windows welcome the slow arriving dawn infused with peace, temporary rest, and some thinking time. Time before the dishes, cooking, and errands fill the day. Time to just be.

Dear HearthKeepers, homemakers, dwelling places, wranglers of daily chaos, gather in and settle in a circle with your coffee, whiskey, wine, water, and tea, for we are women and this is our sisterhood.

I’ve been captured in the ever-spiraling thought of layers. Layers laid on top of layers on top of layers. Time, sisters, time.

When I peer back at my early homemaker self, I see a woman bustling around frantically trying to do and be everything until her body broke. God providentially provided a forced full-stop in my life. As I regained some level of clear thinking and some energy, I layered.

Food, bills, and cleaning were my first three points of focus. Just those three and those three at their most skeletal. Once I had those down, the fog in my head clearing, and the energy levels rising, I added new things: ironing, house plants, actual tasty cooking. Next came those pesky dishes, laundry done in a day, de-cluttering, and decorating.

Each time I started some new habit or system it shifted others. When I only paid the bills, made basic meals, and kept the dirt in control, I was able go to church on Wednesday night. I could rest before church and rest all the next day. Now that I’m cooking actual food and keeping up with the dishes, the mid-week service is harder to attend because I’d have to change so much. When you have mid-week service in one hand and cooking, home projects, and laundry in the other, it’s hard to place the priority there. (Not that the mid-week service isn’t worth it, it is, but I’m going to have to spend a lot of time experimenting and tweaking to make it possible, which takes layers and time.) I keep my eyes on Sunday—being at church and engaged in the preaching and enjoying the means of grace—with the hope that I can find a system to allow me to be at church on Wednesday night too.

Layers.

We don’t become instant Pinterest-worthy, book-worthy, blogging-worthy, Instagram homemakers at the moment we make our vows to our husbands. This isn’t expert-level achieved in 4 years. Homemaking changes too much for that and has too many parts. It is a massive job that becomes more massive the longer you invest yourself in it. You can’t perfect it in a year and you’ll still be tweaking and changing it as long as you’re a homemaker.

This is a long term calling, not a weekend gig.

It requires breathing, listening, thinking, planning, and staying observant.

Myquillyn Smith, in Welcome Home, talks about being “quiet enough to listen” to her family and home.

If you’re frantically trying to do all the things you will overwhelm yourself, and that panic will infect your family. Pick one thing to focus on amidst the everyday life of laundry, food, and church. For example, I’m going to make sure that at least once a day all the dishes are done. My sink may be empty for all of five minutes, but it was empty. Not that the entire house is spotless at all times, but that the dishes are all done once a day.

You may have to space out your layers even more if you're in the busy, crazy time of kids and more kids. You may have to set your layer at just wiping down the bathroom once a week. That’s the habit. Later you may add one house plant. That’s the next habit. Your new habit may be just breathing at night for a few minutes before bed, or walking through your house before bed and just seeing it.

Layers.

We believe God sanctifies us. We’re justified and being sanctified. That now-not-yet dynamic. God doesn’t bop us on the head with perfection at the moment of salvation. God doesn’t demand you be everything right now. He is a loving Father. He grows us in holiness at different rates and times. Yes, we strive, but we strive as beloved children, not abused children.

We know this is true, but we act like BOP! we must be perfect homemakers who see everything and do everything right now or we’ve failed. We want to be inspired by women who have achieved more along the path and we want to be inspired by idealism, but we must see the journey not just the destination. We must see that the work of homemaking is one of layers.

Watch your systems. Are they still serving you? Are they too much or not enough? If you adjust them what will you gain? What will you lose? How has life changed and are you adjusting to it with purpose? Are you thinking about your home, not just winging your home? (For any of you saying, “I don’t have systems.” Yes, you do. You may not realize it, but you have a system. Look for it.)

For young homemakers it can feel like you have to do it all, be it all, and understand it all, but pause, think, and find ONE thing to adjust or try. Don’t attempt to save the world or be perfect. “You aren’t God, that position is taken,” as an old song put it. You’re growing and being sanctified. You don’t expect your toddler to explain or even grasp metaphysics, but you do expect them to practice words and holding a spoon. Layers.

Look at the wisdom of God: older women teach the younger women. Why? Well, in part they have more layers smoothed, straight, and in the right place. They should have better habits and be able to see the bigger picture. They’ve made the mistakes and they’ve had the rug pulled out from under them. They are a great source of practical wisdom and attitude help. And sometimes those older women aren’t just older only in years. We have different strengths we can use to support one another. We have different experiences that have molded and shaped us.

Older women are another layer to help us layer. Fresh blankets on the bed when the winter blows in, a pile of throws on the couch, a cardigan over a t-shirt. Layers.

This is an attitude. Some of you HearthKeepers are busy, busy women with new babies, toddlers, and middle schoolers all with different needs, a hardworking husband, a house, homeschooling, family, and church. (So much!) Your day starts early and ends late with exhaustion being your closest companion. This “quiet enough to listen” to your home is an attitude. You don’t need to hyperventilate about needing to do one more thing. It’s a mindset. It means paying attention to your home so you can see its beauty and its needs.  

Ponder on layers, HearthKeepers. Ponder on learning a new skill, developing a new habit, and creating a better system. This requires observation, stopping, listening, and experimenting. Don’t try to do it all, just do one thing. Take your time with it. You’re here for the long-haul, not the weekend. Remember to root yourself in truth. God sanctifies us and grows us a little at a time. Older women have more layers so go talk to them. Quiet. Quiet in our hearts is quiet in our homes.