Book Review: Home-Making by J. R. Miller

If you know me, you know that I struggle to find books on homemaking that are what I’m looking for. It’s not that they’re not out there, but it’s hard to find ones you can just pass on without a bunch of caveats. I also find it very unsatisfactory that so few men write books about homemaking. I’m not looking for practical homemaking books from men, I think that is well handled by women. I’m talking about philosophical and theological books on the basis of our work. How we think about homemaking and ourselves as women seems like something that should be addressed by men who are called to be teachers, especially in our day when this is so muddled and confusing. I don’t want to read other women talk about what it means to be a godly woman. I want to hear godly men, called by God and their churches to teach and preach, write about what it means to be a biblical woman. One of the reasons for this is that we women aren’t called to be the theological teachers, and the other is that we get petty real fast. Men don’t tend to do that.

So, somehow, I heard about Home-Making by J.R. Miller. I can’t for the life of me remember what directed me to it. I found it reprinted on Amazon for like $5. And it is a reprint for sure. It has no page numbers and seems to have a fair amount of commas in the wrong places. I’m not sure if that is original to the text or a cheap reprint problem. But it’s a book on home life and the family written by a man. (And there was great rejoicing.)

This book is written by a Presbyterian pastor from the northern USA in the late 1800s. It is addressed to the whole family, men and women, husbands and wives, children, parents, brothers and sisters. It covers what the duties are for everyone in the home and how that creates the home culture. This book isn’t about practical things like cooking and cleaning, though they are put in their proper spot, but about the people in the home and how they are to respond to each other to create a loving and beautiful home.

This book was so refreshing. Men were addressed as men, women as women, and children as children. Men were presented as the heroic warriors, providers, and leaders of their homes. Women are the tender, strong, noble center of beauty and warmth. Children are the laughing delight, growing up under the strict care of their parents. It was just so wonderful to read a book that presented the difference between men and women and exulted both.

This book holds up an ideal for men and women in the home. He acknowledges sin, and our inability to ever achieve this high standard, pointing us back to Christ and then back to the work. I found this book to be extremely convicting while at the same time encouraging. It made me want to go at the work of being a woman in my home. It made me want to strive. It made my heart sing because it reminded me that being in my home is glorious and being a woman is glorious. I think something the feminist movement has stolen from women is our glory. It has not only taken our children from us and taken our homes from us, but it has taken the nobility and strength of women away by demanding we be men and be treated like men. We are robbed of our femininity and our calling and our husbands and our homes by the lies of this world. This book refreshed the beauty of being a woman in my mind. It didn’t belittle, abuse, demean, or call anything a waste, even our desire to socialize with one another is exalted and honored. It did the same for men, exulting their gifts and graces, and the same for children. This book painted an idealized picture of men, women, and children that both inspired and convicted me. I found that to be a huge blessing.

Side Note: It is good for us to be convicted. It is good for us to face a high standard and see how far short we have fallen. Our world tells us this is bad for our self-esteem. We shouldn’t have to strive. We should all be accepted at all times. Striving is good for us. And conviction is both humbling, which is good, and drives us back to the gospel, which is good. It is good for us to see just how sinful we are every moment of every day. We have nothing, absolutely nothing to be proud of and it is good to be reminded of that. We don’t deserve a single good thing in this life.

Where this book will be difficult for many people to swallow, and easily dismiss what it is teaching, is its style. It is written in a romantic, sentimental style. Think Spurgeon and Dickens. Several places reminded me of reading The Christmas Carol.  At one point I brought the book to Price with a question. He read the section out loud and within a few sentences we were both laughing so hard we were crying, it was just so over the top in its sentimentality. This will be a true and real challenge to some of you because it will feel so silly. It will be easy to dismiss the ideal he is painting because it seems like he thinks the world is all fluffy bunnies and rainbows. I would challenge you to remember that in the timeframe he wrote, this was the trend and that a romantic view of the world is a helpful exaggeration because it ennobles the vulgar. Yes, I find it funny that the picture he paints of women and motherhood sounds like a perfect creature who never burps, farts, allows her dainty foot to touch the earth, and for sure never says a cuss word, reads true crime, or watches horror movies. It is easy to dismiss this book because of that sentimental style. But if you will see past that, I think this is an encouraging book to stay at the work, to aim high, and strive to be this kind of person and to cultivate these kinds of homes and families.

Just about every time I reached the point where the dripping sentimentality had almost ruined the point of the section I was reading, Miller returned to the gospel and reminded his readers that what he was saying was a lifelong work and that sin was real and ruinous.

So. I found a book about homemaking written by a man, and I was not disappointed. Yes, I had to do some translating, and I had to practice discernment, but it was refreshing to not have to slog through the subtext of the feminist lies soaking all of our culture. It was refreshing and convicting to be held to a high standard of womanhood. And it was a delight to see marriage and the home honored.

If you can handle or see past the sentimentality, I do recommend this book.