I have come across three different women who have encouraged my love of homemaking and tending my people. One is iconic, one is new, and one I meant to write about a long time ago.

Mrs. Weasley

You’d be hard-pressed to find a better modern poster child for the Tender than Molly Weasley. She’s sharp, brave, and strong, while being incredibly kind and loving. She’s the kind of mother who will envelop you in a hug exactly when you need it. She sets chores for her kids and insists that they do them, but then they are free to go play. (Shows her balance and wisdom.) What I adore about Mrs. Weasley is how normal she and her home are, but through Harry’s eyes they’re brimming with magic. Not simply the magic of the story—wands, spells, and enchantment. But to a family-starved boy, there is the magic of a cozy home managed by a loving, if slightly crazy, mother.

I love that you have this woman with seven children, a ramshackle house, and no money who doesn’t complain. She gets to work. She takes in another child not being fed enough. She stands by her husband and protects her children.

Mrs. Weasley stands in contrast with Aunt Petunia. Aunt Petunia isn’t presented as a tender. She’s bony while Mrs. Weasley is plump. Aunt Petunia spoils her son to the point of ruin. Mrs. Weasley finds the balance between letting her children be themselves and building their character. Dudley is a bully. Fred and George are never mean just to be mean. This is because of their mothers. Mrs. Weasley really sees her children, their strengths and their weaknesses. Aunt Petunia doesn’t see, or chooses to ignore, Dudley’s real character. Mrs. Weasley teaches her children how to treat others and to stand up for each other. Aunt Petunia turns a blind eye to Dudley’s bullying and encourages him by word and deed to mistreat Harry.

Even their homes are contrasted. Aunt Petunia cleans the house to the point of exhaustion and uncomfortableness. You get the feeling that she doesn’t want you in her home. Everyone but her son and husband are encroaching on her cleanliness, even her nephew. She spends her days spying on the neighbors and gossiping. Mrs. Weasley’s home isn’t perfect. It’s in the middle of preparing so many different meals and sheltering so many people that perfect cleanliness isn’t possible. We don’t have an account of exactly what Mrs. Weasley does with her day, but we do know she bakes everyone Christmas goodies and knits Christmas sweaters. She is never described as a gossip, or as the kind of woman always wondering what the neighbors are doing. You can imagine she’s hard at work taking care of her own people.

I love Molly Weasley because she’s unapologetically normal. She is never looked down on as less than, in fact, she’s honored for who she is—just a normal quiet housewife. She’s not presented as perfect. She worries. She doesn’t think her sons should open a joke shop and insists that Bill should cut his hair. She’s not without her faults and fumbles and moments of over-mothering, but she’s still presented as the mother most worried about Harry, and her home as the best of places to be.

Maggie Craig

Y’all may not know this, but I’m not the only published writer in our little group here. Rachel Kovaciny is also an author and has been at this whole story-telling gig longer than I have. She writes fairy-tale retellings set in the Old West. She strives for historical accuracy and always includes recipes at the back of her book.

I recently, or should I say, finally read My Rock and My Refuge. This is a Beauty and the Beast retelling about a young German immigrant finding work, friendship, and love where she least expected it. It has a strong Jane Eyre vibe which I picked up on immediately, much to my satisfaction. I always find it interesting when I read Rachel’s books that they’re wildly outside my normal fair—clean, generally not lots of guns, and overtly Christian—and yet I always enjoy them.

What struck me about this book, and was probably why I devoured it so quickly, was the cozy level. It was all about the bread. Marta was a baker in Germany, and she brought her skills to her new life in America. I loved this so much. I love that she loved making bread so much. I loved that she baked for her family and others and helped supply an income to her family with her love of bread. This whole book is just a love song to bread. (There’s good food in this book all the way around, and I do love good food in a book.)

But my favorite character wasn’t Marta, it was the side character Maggie Craig. Maggie is Mr. Wendell’s housekeeper and friend. She’s a little older than Marta and has a son. I loved her as the more established, calmer tender. Both Marta and Maggie are tenders, but Maggie is a bit more experienced. I’ve probably reached an age where I see myself more in the older women than the younger woman…not probably.

I loved their friendship. Lots of stories don’t tackle female friendships. They either don’t include them, or they’re toxic: full of gossip, bullying of others, and vapid. Maggie and Marta’s friendship is wholesome and encouraging. They are two women working together to feed and care for those around them. They build each other up and support each other. They aren’t easily offended. Both women are hard-working, diligent, and don’t complain. I found my own striving for these things encouraged by their example.

I loved this line: “My hands and words tended to the ordinary things, but inside, my heart sang praises to the Lord for all His goodness.”

And this line made me chuckle: “…but nothing is more demanding than an injured man stuck in bed while he recovers, and we’re saddle with four of them.” I loved that this was said with truth and humor, not as a putdown on men. Men and women are both treated with respect in the story, which is refreshing.

So if you want something cozy, that calls you to get your hands deep in some dough, that will give you a young girl learning and a slightly older female friend coming alongside, as well as a sweet romance and a bit of the old west, check out My Rock and My Refuge!

Zhaan

Side Note: This is not a blanket recommendation of this show. This show has a lot of adult humor in it and treats sex as recreational most of the time. It’s not graphic like a lot of modern shows, but it’s still there. So know thyself and what you can handle before just reading this as a gold star referral to watch this show.

Farscape is a cheesy sci-fi show about the adventures of a group of misfits. It’s a lot like Firefly and even Stargate-Atlantis. What sets it apart from those was the involvement of the Jim Henson Muppet team. One of the main characters is a Muppet. This show is unsafe but silly. It will break your heart and then insert a fart joke. Not even kidding, one alien farts when he’s nervous. He farts helium. It is wacky, nerdy, and has left me absolutely sobbing. The first time I watched it, I got only to a certain point and then had to stop. I just couldn’t handle the weight of the sorrow anymore. This time through, I’m determined to finish. I’m constantly impressed with the sheer heart of this show. They’re not afraid to do the cheesiest things, which makes the show so much fun and so harrowing. (Also, in little ways, here and there, it honors fatherhood, which is so refreshing.)

Zhaan is an alien woman who is actually a plant. Okay, let’s stop right there, I’m sorry, but whoever decided to make her a plant should get an award. It makes her truly alien. Zhaan is a priest and she’s unbelievably calm. She’s calm on a level I don’t think I’ll ever reach. (Goals.) But she’s not just calm. She’s kind as well, and her kindness often brings this group of ill-sorted, morally questionable (at times) people together. She inspires those around her because they know that she loves them. They know she sees the best in them. Even the worst people on the ship, who only look out for themselves, come to love, trust, and rely on Zhaan.

One of her abilities is that she can absorb the pain of others. The ship they’re on is a living ship, and often Zhaan is called on to take the pain of the ship away so the ship can keep them all alive. Zhaan generously and without complaint takes on the pain of her home and her family at the expense of herself. Zhaan is also the healer on the ship and gathers herbs anytime they can visit a planet. She’s smart and capable and expends herself to care for the needs of others.

As the story goes along, you learn that Zhaan wasn’t always calm, centered, and kind. She was once an anarchist who didn’t flinch at violence. You learn that her calm was hard-earned through many many battles deep in her soul.

I love Zhaan because she’s feminine. They chose a beautiful woman to play her part. Like Firefly, this show doesn’t only give us girlbosses or warriors. Aeryn Sun is your more today-typical warrior woman—thankfully they gave her personality and character growth—but she’s not the only woman on the ship. Zhaan is the mother of the whole ship. She is the homemaker. She is the heart of the crew. She nurtures, tends, heals, comforts, speaks wisely, and loves. The show didn’t limit itself to one expression of the feminine soul. It gave us the black-clad, gun-wielding Aeryn, but it also gave us the blue, jewelry-loving, flowing dresses-wearing, tending Zhaan. It gave Zhaan her own strength and it’s not the strength of a soldier, it’s the strength of a plant.

Zhaan is quickly becoming one of my favorite female characters because of her calm heart, healing hands, and love for her imperfect people.

D'Argo: Zhaan you're needed here.
Zhaan: At one time I believe I was - but then a family was born.
D'Argo: You birthed it.

Three Different Tenders

Stoneheart Review by Rachel Atterholt