Group and Blog Goals
As HearthKeepers enters its 3rd year, roughly, as a FB group, MeWe group, and blog, I thought it might be a good idea to think through the goals of the group. We’ve gone through several ups and downs as a group. The luster has worn off and the hard work of endurance abounds. I still stand behind my decision to split the groups between FB and MeWe, but I think it destroyed much of the heart of the group. That makes me sad because I loved what we had. I struggle with doubts about the value and usefulness of the group. Am I helping anyone? I know it’s a huge help to me, writing the articles, thinking and sharing about the prompts, but I often wonder if I’m alone in that. I can’t see the interaction or comments in the FB group, and our MeWe group is small.
I continue to be part of several homemaker groups. But I often feel disconnected from them. They’re actually mostly childrearing or homeschool groups. They seldom address hearts or attitudes. They often have lots of bad theology. In the more secular groups, well, they’re secular so lots of them include complaining about husbands, some include men, they’re filled with pagans or liberals, or just women trying to be homemakers and feminists and woke. I have profited from these groups but find my interaction stays minimal when I’m not outright disheartened by them.
I love our group because I try to include both the practical and the attitude sides so that we’re encouraged to love what we do. I write because writing is how I process. I would not be where I’m at in my homemaking today without the writing. It focuses my thoughts, forces me to be purposed, and has helped me see areas I still need to grow. It also gives me space to think through things and then ask all of you what you think about them. This gives me some checks and balances, helps me see struggles, and be realistic.
Because writing helps me think, because familiarity can grow forgetfulness, I thought it might be helpful to walk myself, and you if you’re reading this, through my goals with these groups and my articles.
1) Praising Homemaking: I will be the first to admit that I’m 100% focused on praising HearthKeeping. It might be easy for someone to view my writing as saying homemaking is the ONLY valuable thing a woman can do and the ONLY valuable calling in the world that a woman can engage in. My writing might be mistaken for calling us to women’s work versus men’s work. That’s not my goal. I don’t think solas homemaking. What I want is to remind us that homemaking is valuable. It is good work. I’m not writing to men. I don’t write about a man’s role in the home. I’m addressing women in the home. I believe women have been given the job of tending homes by the Lord. We don’t get to wiggle out of the command to be a dwelling for our husbands. That means whether we like it or not, homemaking is what our God has commanded.
So yes, I’m exalting homemaking. But I’m doing it to help us. We’re told that homemaking is a weekend job, something men do, not women, it’s lazy, or we’re being oppressed when we do it. Young girls are not encouraged to be homemakers, they’re outright told that’s not an option. Society demands women forsake their homes and bullies those who don’t. I want to fight against these mentalities. They’re wrong!
2) Homemaking vs. Childrearing: There are few ordinary things in this life as noble as childrearing. Training up the next generation of husbands and wives, leaders, employees, teachers, and parents is one of the most important jobs in the world.
I don’t have children.
According to all the books and podcasts and many blogs, that means I’m not a homemaker. Homemaking and child-raising are interwoven so tightly that they feel mutually exclusive. Without one, you can’t have the other.
Side Note: I wonder if this is because of feminism. Women use their child-raising as the reason they’re home. It takes great courage in this day and age to tell people you’re a homemaker. But, if we make homemaking and childrearing synonyms, at least people don’t think we’re a waste or exceptionally lazy, or just downright gaslit. Interesting tangent.
But when I read the Scriptures, they aren’t the same thing. Homemakers tending our hearths is one thing, childrearing is another. Homemaking begins before children, generally, and extends long after. Homemaking is impacted by child raising, obviously, but it’s not the same. You don’t stop tending your hearth once you have an empty nest, and you don’t start tending your hearth at the moment a child arrives. It starts before and ends way after.
Most books don’t separate these two things and most homemaking groups don’t. I think that leads to confusion. Clear thinking helps us prioritize and evaluate things correctly.
When we see that we’re homemakers before children, we can start practicing lots of things before kids, and we can continue after kids. It also makes room for infertile couples, women who foster and adopt, maids, matrons, and crones. It makes room for all women, not just mothers. It’s hard when you are the odd-man-out, when you’re the exception to the rule. This separation helps mitigate that outsider feeling.
Seeing homemaking separate from childrearing helps guide childrearing. There are home skills you should be teaching and demanding of your children. You are raising adults, not forever children. Children should be moving into the role of being part of the family as a whole, not always the babies. Having the right perspective on homemaking helps tender-hearted, nurturing women better understand how to raise a child. Childrearing isn’t lifelong if you’re doing it right.
The correct view of homemaking also involves a correct view of phases, in order to battle against being completely overwhelmed. Honestly acknowledging the phase we’re in and then allowing our homemaking to flex around that is not only a blessing but greatly reduces our anxiety. ‘Not now’ doesn’t mean ‘not ever.’ Struggles and burdens and responsibilities change. Be still.
Understanding homemaking outside of childrearing helps you set boundaries so you can rest. Boundaries are so helpful so that you don’t go and go and go all the time and then miss the beauty of life and the people around you. If you feel overwhelmed and burnt out, step back and check your phase of life and your boundaries.
3) Church: Again, many resources for homemakers are evangelical, which is a blessing, but many of them miss church. They’re quick to instruct on daily bible time, but either totally avoid church or include it as a short chapter or a footnote.
For women who should see that we’re no longer outside the gate, that we’re now brothers and fellow heirs, and that Preaching, Prayer, the Lord’s Supper, and Baptism are the means of grace, we sure do act like Sunday is something we might eventually get around to. I want to challenge myself and encourage others to make Sunday the first goal, not the last, not the if-I’m-not-too-tired-and-don’t-have-something-better-to-do option. If we women would join the spiritual shield wall, plan our lives around being in church and present for the preaching, discipline our children to sit quietly and listen, our churches would be fuller and our families blessed. Think about it: you want to see your children saved? Be in church. You want to grow in sanctification and wisdom? Be in church.
Now I will caveat that this passion for me is largely emboldened by a church that doesn’t have zillions of extras. We believe the command is one day in seven. Not every day, not hundreds of ministries. We believe members should be living quiet lives, ordinary lives, minding their own business, working with their hands. If you are a member of a church that has goings-on and ministries all the time, you will need to make different value judgments. You will need to make sure the extra-biblical activities don’t become an excuse to avoid your home and be in the spotlight. You will need to learn when to say no and when to say yes. This requires wisdom, discernment, and humility. My suggestion: start by being present, on time, ready to listen to the preaching and prayer meetings. Start there.
These three things (homemaker praise, homemaking isn’t childrearing, and church) are my goals and passion. They’re where I see a need that I think I can help with. They’re so important to me. Seeing them myself has unburdened my soul and helped me grow. I would like to do the same for all of you as much as is in my limited sphere. This is why so many of my articles raise homemaking up, don’t include thoughts on homeschooling or child-raising, and push so strongly for Sunday. I don’t want to make anyone discouraged, overwhelmed, a nag to their husbands, or discontent with their family situation. Raising up an ideal is always meant to inspire not to beat. Whenever you read my articles or join in the discussions keep your heart and mind on the phase you’re in. You may not have time or money or ability. That is okay. Keep plugging. Keep enduring. Keep reaching out. Striving is so much better than giving up. Lastly, always root yourself in the deep waters of the gospel and Christ’s love for you. This will build you up in a way no ideal can ever grow you. Join the shield wall, stay in the fight.
