Home is for Us Too

I don’t know about you other HearthKeepers, but sometimes I have to remind myself that home is for me too. It’s very easy, and good, to get wrapped up in our people and our work and forget that we live here and home should be a place we want to be too.

I’m a breakfast person. Give me all the waffles, pancakes, muffins, and even pie. Give me dark coffee to cut the sugar and some bacon for protein and you have yourself one happy, contented hobbit…I mean housewife.

Price is rarely a breakfast person. He only started eating breakfast a few years ago and he eats the same breakfast every day. He found my family’s obsession with breakfast foods amusing and odd early on.

It is easy for me to get in a rut of just making the same breakfast every day because that’s what he likes, and then suddenly I remember that I live here too and it’s time to make some waffles and bacon.

As we all know, I don’t like the idea of “you deserve that”, and I’m hesitant about the idea of self-care. I don’t deserve anything, all my works are filthy rags (read period pads) and self-care moves so quickly from tending to me so I can tend to others to me, me, me that I want to avoid the whole thing altogether. *suspicious glare*

But! The Bible teaches a proper amount of caring for our own needs, and it is good to enjoy the things God designed us to specifically enjoy. Our homes and all that they encompass should delight us as individual homemakers. Home should be a place we delight to be in and a reflection of that delight.

I think the reason I have to remind myself of this sometimes is that my husband has a strong personality and I have a more ‘become invisible in pleasing others’ type personality. Along with that is my journey from chaos to beauty. These two things mean I sometimes get lost in it all if I’m not purposeful and observant. (I test as an INFJ.)

I am the type of person who is happy serving others and happy when I’m included in the work. But I’m also a bit of a loner, happy in my own little world. As a young homemaker, I just grabbed anything that ‘sparked’ joy, figuring it didn’t matter if it worked with the rest of my home. This was true in my decorating and my cooking. Haphazard would be a good word. I tend to lose myself in others and I tend to be a bit haphazard.

I’ve had to learn to say, “No, this is what I want,” to actually voice an opinion, and to be calm, purposed, and in control of myself so that I don’t just buy everything that makes me happy. I’ve had to learn when to take charge and when to wait, instead of waiting when I should have taken charge and taking charge when I should have waited. (Or, I’m learning to do this. Pretty sure I’ll work on this until I die.)

Maturing through all this sanctification, I’ve tried to understand that this is my home.

It’s a weird thought, but our husbands’ chose us and most men want to live in a feminine or feminized place. Men like women. My husband has been much happier in our home as I’ve taken care to make home a reflection of me. Not haphazard me, but the me I’ve grown into. A little bit whimsy, a little bit rugged. That’s me. (He’s still not sure about the pagan skull side of me, but I’m working on it.) My husband has been much happier in our home as I’ve worked to become more purposed and intentional. He is enjoying the fruits of a calmer home all the way around: physically and mentally. That fruit is because I’m calmer physically and mentally than I have been in the past.

When I get the opportunity to be with other women, I love to see their personalities reflected in their homes. I love to hear about their stories in balancing and growing themselves for the good of their families. I love hearing about how they’ve challenged themselves, overcome obstacles, been sanctified. I love seeing their homes. I love seeing your home.

We tenders do a lot of work. We practice invisible faithfulness all the time. In that, we need to find strength and encouragement in remembering that our husbands are married to us. He picked me! They picked us! So we should be our growing, sanctified, selves.

What makes you smile? What delights you? Our work should delight us! We shouldn’t run around complaining. What delights us? Is it a piece of art? Unique lighting? Cottagecore? Goblincore? Books, plants, toys, everything? Our tools should not only be functional but beautiful.

Ladies, how are we supposed to fill our homes with a sense of comfort, enjoyment, nesting, and beauty if we hate it all and don’t see ourselves in it? If we don’t cook food we enjoy, don’t have decorations that we love, and organization that works for us, we’re going to fill our homes with constant complaints. Don’t make the work harder than it needs to be and don’t think you’re somehow more holy if you’re more dour.

Laugh! Sing! Dance! Take joy and delight in your home!

This whole building and the things in it are our tool chest to care for the people who live here, including us. What makes you feel rested? A cup of tea or wine in the evening? What starts a day well? A cup of coffee or tea? A big breakfast? A shower with pleasant-smelling soap? There is nothing shameful about feminine softness and smells and sights. Each of us comes at this uniquely. One of us may love silky robes and another cowboy boots. One of us may love the pool and the other chill autumn days.

Delight in your home.

Suffering comes to every one of us, but there is no honor or grace or glory in self-flagellation. We’re not here so God can torture us while we keep our sour faces on. God has filled this world, this pre-ash world, with beauty and good things. The gospel gives us the wonderful grace to enjoy the wonder of throw pillows, blankets, mugs, beer, rugs, flowers, and any number of temporary delights. Make home a place you love. Make home a place you want to be as an act of worship to the Lord who has saved your soul.

Sometimes in our Christian life, because we’re called to suffering and glory, we act like we can’t be happy, and yet we, we saved people, should be the happiest people on earth. Happy doesn’t mean you aren’t suffering. Happy means your hope is in the right place. As HearthKeepers, because we are in charge of the repetitive, mundane work, we act like we can’t enjoy our homes. Our job is to complain, moan, groan, whine, and murmur. And yet we should be the ones enjoying our homes the most. We are creating this place of safe rest, are we resting? Do we stop to savor the works of our hands? Are we so frantically busy we can’t stop to put butter on a fresh slice of bread we just pulled out of the oven? Are we running around so out of control we can’t stop to look at our own flowers? Have we made our lives so busy, and so discontent, we can’t slip into our own sheets at night and sleep in peace?

We should love our homes and our homes should be a reflection of each of our unique personalities. Not self-indulgently, but honestly and happily.

This isn’t a call to selfish, self-focused homemaking. This isn’t denying instructions from our husbands. This isn’t a lack of growth and maturity. Some of my decorations are things I’ve owned pretty much my whole life. I love them as much now as I did when I bought them as a child. They’re a reflection of who I am. But other things have been moved past. They no longer reflect who I am and what is important to me. I don’t want them or need them. They have gone on to be trashed or donated. Who I am now is both who I was and is also someone totally different. My home reflects that maturing process.

Understanding that home is for us too is a melding of the people who live here. It is me and my husband. It reflects both of us. I love that my husband has an office and that the things that are important to him are arranged how he wants them. I also love that my guest room is a WW2-Whimsical room that I love to be in. It is the most ‘me’ room in our house. I love that I’ve finally found plants that are surviving longer than a month, and I really love that my husband loves them. Home is for us, and it is for them, and together it comes together.

Our husbands are home builders. We’re homemakers. Home is us and should showcase who we are, uniquely, individually, specifically. Home is you. Home is me. And that means home is for us too. Embrace making your home a reflection of you, balanced with not being selfish and showing your maturity. This will help you stay in the fight and to be worshipfully happy with the temporary gifts God has given so that you can go to work with a good attitude.

Home is for us too…home is us.