The Hunt for Simplification
Ever since I developed my health issues, I’ve been hunting simplification. Life has felt too big, too much, the To-Do lists never close to ever done, always running and gunning. It’s been that way since we owned the boutiques. In my 20’s it all felt oh so very exciting to be wrapped up in commerce and the broad community of our city. In my early 30’s it was oh so thrilling to say yes to everything and feel like I was really plugged in and really helping others. Once health issues limited me and forced me to decide what was important to me (Church, Home, Family) I became driven, desperate to simplify my life. To create a space with rest, a place to plod instead of rush, a place where I could notice. I don’t want to rush from one demanding thing to the next never noticing my nieces and nephews, never able to say yes when a friend offers a cup of coffee and a chat, never breathing, never just listening to my husband, never seeing the grass, flowers, and trees that we’ve paid for and planted in our little lives. I wanted simplification.
I see pins, posts, and books promising ways to slow life down, make it calmer, give me back time and sanity. I made choices minimizing my possessions, commitments, and myself to find elusive simplicity. I read articles and buy books that promise me hope and help in slowing down. I’m always frantically hunting simplicity.
I read Zero Waste Home, not as a concerned environmentalist, which I’m not, but as someone who has “waste not, want not” bred deep within my familial DNA. I wanted to see if I had overlooked any places of wastefulness and if I could further simplify. I wanted to test myself and my systems.
The book was crazy, ridiculous, unattainable, pagan in its philosophy, and for some reason, interesting to read. While I was reading it, while it was kinda always in the background of my mind as I read and did a bit of self and home examination, I had a lightbulb moment. “What if my life is simple as is?”
What if I’ve attained that which I’ve been working so hard for but just haven’t stopped to notice? What if my life is simple, but my mind and soul are what is still frantic? What if I’m so busy hunting, I failed to realize I’ve arrived? Like a woman who wants kids so very badly, or a spouse, that she fails to stop feeling desperate even when she has kids or a husband. Or a young believer still so guilty about their sin, they fail to rest their soul in Christ and His promises. My emotions and thought habits hadn’t caught up with reality yet…which was causing me to miss the very thing I wanted.
With the light suddenly shining in my dark little world, I started to purposefully and intentionally watch myself. I quickly noticed several encouraging things:
● I make To-Do lists that are attainable
● I start my day slowly and end my day slowly
● I rest before I cook dinner
● I flex around my husband without being anxious
● I stop to visit with my nephews
● I stop to watch my husband grill
● My house is filled with plants
● My anxiety levels are much lower
● My ability to go with the flow much higher
Overall, I’ve made life small. I keep my out-of-home commitments limited. I’m content with the majority of my social time being given to my church and family. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on things by not living in a state of constant adventure.
It struck me that this was it. This is a simple life. Each day a calm handling of the work, each day a bit of rest, each day a certain flexibility. The time to notice, enjoy, and be. I made the mistake of thinking a “simple life” would be one of endless free time to maybe do nothing, or read for hours. But life will never be free of work and life will never be free of people. (This isn’t an ‘I hate people’ thing, but a realization that it is our church, families, and communities that make up a large portion of our lives.) And that is a good thing. Work and people are good for us. A simple life isn’t life without labor and family. And labor and family take time, wisdom, and being intentional.
This realization—both that I had attained a simple life and life is always work and people—has encouraged me. I learned that my simple life is being flexible instead of frantic, slow but steady, and limited time commitments. Limited deadlines. Time commitments and deadlines make life frantic. Some you can’t avoid, some are worth the sacrifice, but many just need to be denied or greatly reduced.
A simple, quiet life.
Not a life without work.
A life of not being overwhelmed or frantic.
Does this mean I’m never anxious?
No. Unfortunately, anxiety is one of the symptoms and manifestations of my health issues, and it is also something I’ve struggled with my whole life. But! The realization that I do have a simple life has helped me become less anxious. If I keep things simple, I can get things done. Every time I relearn this lesson, I’m better at not being overwhelmed next time.
This goal isn’t for everyone and I don’t think it needs to be. Some women can go all the time and they love it. They love adventure and commitments and an extra full social calendar. If that is you, embrace it. That’s a wonderful gift you can use for both your church and your family. Sign your kids up for all the things, join all the groups, say yes to every party, wedding, tea, book club, and get-together. I’m in no way saying any of that is a sin. It’s grand if you can!
For me, my desire, and my abilities, point to a quiet, ordinary life, and I found that many of the elements of an ordinary life are all about how you look at it. It’s your attitude about life. It’s even just noticing how ordinary your life is. It’s teaching yourself to see beauty and not the ugly, discontent, self-focus we are all tempted by.
I think this is what appeals to me about both Lord of the Rings and Watership Down, two of my favorite books. They both cause you to slow down and appreciate small simple things. They give you this sense of home, peace, and quiet as the highlights of life. This is an element of why I love war movies and stories (amongst many other things) is that they make quiet, simplicity, and home more beautiful by contrast.
I was hunting, wanting, craving a simple life without realizing I have it, in part. This life can never be fully stress-free or without struggles. The Lord brings trials into our lives to train us and teach us and grow us. I’m married to a Pastor which is one of the hardest jobs in the world, mentally and emotionally.
My life isn’t idyllic, but it is simple and quiet. I’m thankful and I’m thankful I had the Eureka moment to see it.
Do you long for a simple life? Are you willing to make the sacrifices necessary for it? What does simple mean to you? More broadly, have you ever been so desperate for something you miss that you already have it? Are you staying in the fight for contentment, and are you willing to let this world go? Understanding that this life is utterly temporary, and that everything and everyone is on loan to us from God, that nothing is ours, everything is a temporary gift, really does help you be less anxious and frantic. You can’t lose anything that is important and you can’t take anything else with you. This truth is a gift! It allows us to take a deep breath, slow down, and see our lives.
If this appeals to you — slowing down, taking a breath, living purposefully and intentionally — start by watching yourself. Do you overcommit? Do you have all your bills, insurances, retirement, and such as complicated as possible? Could you limit those things in any way so that they don’t eat up your life? Do you have yourself and your children in too many time-oriented activities? Classes, camps, lessons, parties, and social engagements. Are you always in the car? Start looking at life and start examining what is important and what is just life being busy.
If you love every class, camp, lesson, party, and social engagement, go for it! If you love the hustle and bustle of family life in a car going here and there, then go for it! God has filled this world with diversity and different gifts and energy levels. This isn’t a treatise on the evils of women with loads of energy. If you are one of these ladies, you still need to live life with purpose and intentionality. You still need to examine your life and yourself for frantic anxiety and deal with that if you find it present. You still need to notice the richness of what the Lord has temporarily provided for you and be thankful.
Crazy busy or slow plodding, we all need to practice contentment. We need to live within our means, yes, financially, but also physically, mentally, and emotionally. We need to be able to notice our children growing, our husbands thinking, our church’s needs, and the needs of our homes.
The hunt for the simple life almost made me miss the simple life I had been given. I’m so thankful for that moment where the Lord allowed me to see that I had what I wanted, so I would stop hunting, and start enjoying. I hope He does the same thing for you.
Now I’m going to go pour some coffee, play some Christmas music, eat a muffin, and enjoy the morning before I start the work laid out before me.
