There is a deep and old magic that crosses the boundaries of culture, myth, and fairy tales. It is practiced in tents, homes, and apartments. It is a gift of our goods, our productivity that we share with others, be we neighbors, strangers, or fey. This gift, this magic, is seeing to the physical needs of people outside our intimate family and ourselves. Let’s talk about those needs and how they apply to different forms of hospitality.

Drinks: The most basic welcoming thing you can extend to another person is liquid. Water is always a good place to start. This can be expanded into teas, coffee, wine, cocktails, mocktails, and any other sippable beverages. There are hundreds and thousands of options here: sparkling water, lemon in your water, lemonade, hot tea, iced tea, sweet tea, lattes, old fashioneds, IPAs, and on and on and on. Pick a small handful of options to keep on hand, preferably something you enjoy too so that you are rotating through your stock. (If you’re not a coffee drinker, you probably want to pick up fresh coffee before your guest arrives or not offer it. Otherwise, you’re in danger of offering stale coffee to your guests.)

Drinkware is a place to have fun, not a hill to die on. If all you have is red solo cups, use them. The only essential part of drinkware is that it is clean. Nothing is worse than being handed a dirty glass. It’s not hospitable if your friends are questioning the hygiene of their glasses.

You can also go all out with drinkware. The right glass for the right drink, artistic versions, extra fun kids’ cups, or you can go with the standard basics. A mason jar is always a fun option. Don’t let drinkware stop you from caring for others but also play with it. Comfortable conversation is the goal, and a little spoiling goes a long way.

Food: Eating together is unifying, but it can be intimidating. It’s been said by every wise older woman down through the years: have a signature dish. Don’t try a dish you’ve never made before. Don’t be afraid to make the same thing over and over and over. Chili is mine. I make an edible chili. I’m not an amazing cook, but I have never had anyone pass on my chili. Sandwiches are a wonderful option as well because they will often cover lots of food allergies and special diets. If food is your thing, then don’t be afraid to go all out!

It helps people comfortably settle if you ask them to bring something. If you’re doing sandwiches, ask someone to bring a soup or a salad. Make a charcuterie board and ask your company to bring a meat or a cheese. Getting them in on the meal makes people feel welcome. It is important to ask people if they have dietary restrictions. I can’t eat sugar or white flour. Nothing crashes me quicker. It can get awkward real fast if I arrive somewhere and realize I can’t eat anything. It’s not only awkward for me but also for the hostess. The goal is to see to people’s physical needs in your home. You're not doing that if you don’t ask what people can and can’t eat. If it is intimidating, ask them for ideas on what you can make, or tell them it is outside your wheelhouse and let them help you. Most people are more than willing to work with you just for the chance of getting to be with you.

Seating: The next physical need for human beings, once we’ve seen to their refreshment, is a place to sit. Older people, pregnant women, and those with weaker constitutions must have a place to sit, but it’s good to have enough seats for all the people in your home, including yourself. (Make sure you sit! People are here to get to know you too.) There are no hard or fast rules as far as the style of the chairs. The chairs may be mismatched or pillaged from the other rooms: office chairs mixed with dining room chairs mixed with chaises, wingbacks, and the couch. Just have enough for all the guests. Let standing be a choice, not a necessity.

Chairs can be arranged into conversation circles, around tables, and flow outside. Make sure your chairs are in good shape. Your guests should not be in fear of breaking antiques or of being spilled onto the floor. Work with other homemakers on seating. I often borrow my sister’s folding chairs when we have a large group over. This doesn’t have to be glamorous, though by all means, feel free to go all in. Feel free to have fun with it. But start by making sure every bottom has a spot to land.

Bathrooms: A clean bathroom is a must for hospitality. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t need to be freshly remodeled. It does need to be clean. A guest should not feel uncomfortable, embarrassed by too many private and personal things (put away medicine), or like they’re leaving dirtier than when they arrived. Just make sure the bathroom is clean and that there is plenty of toilet paper, hand soap, and a hand towel. After that, the field is wide open. Go all out or go minimal. I have dreamed of doing a classy bathroom with silly bathroom humor signs. Don’t be afraid to have fun, ladies.

Shelter: Hospitality is all about sheltering the people you have in your home. Humans are finite. We will succumb to cold, heat, storms, drought, dehydration, and starvation. We will get sick. We all need places to rest and relieve ourselves. As homemakers, we see to these needs for our people and the people we invite into our homes. If it is cold, we provide warmth. If it is warm, we provide coolness. If storms rage and darkness closes in, we provide a roof and light!

Sometimes breaking something down into its component parts makes a job seem daunting in its details. Much of the work of hospitality will become second nature after you do it a few times. Don’t let yourself freeze up because it feels big. Practice, fail, practice, fail, again and again. Having big and little failures doesn’t mean we don’t keep trying. Make sure you review each hospitality opportunity to see what worked and what didn’t and keep practicing.

Hospitality is sheltering human finiteness with love and compassion and understanding. This means we must take into account the physical needs of the people around us. This work is how we build strong cultures within our families and strong communities and connections with those outside our four walls.

Hospitality (Part 2): Physical Needs

The Homemaker at Play

Merry Durability