So You Want To Be a Homemaker? (Part 1)

Dear Single Ladies,

There are few things in life as empowering for a woman as managing her own home. Few jobs allow one to investigate and practice so many arts, sciences, put math to use, dive into many aspects of history, and embrace so much literature. We homemakers specialize in nothing and in everything. Few jobs work so well for both the high-energy go-getter and the slow-living lover. What other jobs can be done in apartments and mansions, country and city, poverty or wealth, sickness or health, country or city?

Managing a home is a lifelong work and it takes constant education to do it well. Managing a home is the only work where you 100% design how it works for you and yours.

And yet, we have been fed a lie that it can be done with very little concentration by a very distracted woman. We have been fed a lie that homemaking is only the housekeeping aspects. We have been fed a lie that this is work just as easily managed by a dumb man. We have been fed the lie that only lazy, depressed, bored, underachieving women do the work of homemaking. We have been fed the lie that it has zero value, or that it is entirely synonymous with childrearing and homeschooling. It’s all lies ladies and we’ve all turned into gluttons for that lie, leading our daughters into it, and our sons.

The good news? Women of all ages, types, backgrounds, and beliefs are starting to wake up and realize that this work of tending, housekeeping, and managing a home is rewarding, fulfilling, valuable, needed, and that they’re good at it and they enjoy it!

Women are starting to see that they’ve been robbed! That they’re not men, and they don’t want to be. That the memories of Grandma and all that she did are the things we want to do now!

So you want to be a homemaker?

These letters are going to be addressed to a certain subset of women who are a growing number in our cultures and churches. These letters are going to be from a Christian perspective. Buckle up.

The women I’m writing to are:

• Young women (12-21), who still live at home and are part of a family, realizing they want to be homemakers when they grow up.

• Adult Singles (21-35), who may still live at home, but are in an adult relationship with their parents. They may or may not be working on a ‘career’ and they may or may not want a family. (More on that later.)

• Mature Singles (35+). You dear ladies went to college got the promised-to-be-fulfilling career, and probably have your own place. On a certain level, hopefully, you have more than the basics down and you want to deepen your understanding. You may or may not still want a family.

These are the different groups I’m addressing, but this isn’t black and white. You may be younger and out of the home. You may be older and moved back in. You may be a caretaker of elderly parents. These are big-picture groupings, not a straightjacket, so don’t reject what’s being said if you don’t fit in one of these specific scenarios.

It’s quite trendy right now to decide as a woman that you don’t want to get married and have a family. Those things have been painted as unfulfilling traps to keep you from following your dreams. You may have been told by good parents how hard marriage and childrearing are, so you don’t just blithely walk into those callings and roles. Or you may have grown up in a home with a less-than-ideal marriage being showcased for you, and you’re understandably fearful.

I would like to point out two things for your consideration:

1) All of the passages directed to women are directed to married women. This should make you pause if you have decided not to get married. No, marriage isn’t a command. You aren’t necessarily sinning by not being married. (Though your reasons for not being married might be sinful.) Being single isn’t a sin. Christ was single. But God is good. He does good. And all the passages to women are to wives. I am simply asking you to ruminate on that.

2) The passage in the Bible to singles is to those with the gift of celibacy. If you have the gift of celibacy you are commanded to use that for the good of the church. So if this is you, make sure you’re serving the church, not yourself and your own ambition.

If you are single but wish to be married and raise a family, you are wishing for a very, very good thing. Pray, oh sweet sister, pray. Set those desires before your good and wise King and wait for the Lord. Also, pray for your future husband and yourself as a future wife. Pour yourself into your church and make sure the older ladies know you want to be married. Prepare for marriage.

If you don’t want to be married because you have the gift of celibacy, not because you don’t want to submit to a man, or lose your figure to childbearing, or have to set your dreams aside for a time, or do the hard work of building a life with another sinner, pray for wisdom to serve your church and be available.

Now, back to homemaking!

Start by reading the Letters to a Young Matron. There is a lot for you to glean from them even if you aren’t married. Don’t allow yourself to get trapped in a self-focused spirit where you’re incapable of making self-application unless something is specifically nuanced for all the unique things God has wonderfully written into your story. Take as much as you can out of those articles, be you 12 or 52. Suck the marrow out and be strengthened even if it isn’t all applicable to you.

Also, check out the articles about 1 Timothy and the commands to widows. We are all potential future widows and should take very seriously the instructions Paul left us about how we are to live our lives.

Making home, doing it part-time or full-time, in your mother’s home, or your own place is productive and fulfilling work. It will raise your spirits, challenge you, and be a wise investment of your time whether the Lord blesses you with a husband and children or blesses His church with the gift of your undistracted service.

I know this first letter is mostly just laying out the groundwork, defining our terms, and setting up some boundaries, but that is so important to any conversation. And please join in the conversation. Homemakers who are further along can share how they went about their early years, how they prepared for homemaking, and even when they realized they wanted to be a homemaker. I was born wanting this job. I’m thankful the Lord commanded women to be managers of their homes. Others struggled to come to this point.

It is a wonderful command and a wonderful calling, and dear single ladies, we welcome you to the fold! Come join our knitting circle! Sit down and join the conversation of tending, growing, nurturing, cleaning, cooking, and laundry that has cycled through woman after woman after woman since creation.

Love,

A fellow HearthKeeper