The Greatest Danger in Our Homes
Sometimes I feel the need to explore the more negative sides of our work. I tend to be a positive person overall. I rejoice in the ordinary, delight in common magic, and find this world and people beautiful. This doesn’t mean I am a Pollyanna with my head in the sand, that I’m refusing to see our broken world. I have simply encouraged my naturally romantic heart as a way to praise the Lord for His goodness. But this world is full of terrors, tortures, horrors, and agonies, and sometimes I must look at some of the darker sides of our work. If we don’t see darkness, how will we light the way back home? If we don’t know we’re under attack, how will we raise our shield wall? If we don’t know what’s a weed and what is not, how will we tend our gardens?
Once upon a time, women were warned about how they might destroy their homes. We were put on our guard by wise men and women. We were given cautionary tales to guide us. We were aware of the dangers we might inflict on people due to our gullibility, foolishness, indiscretion, and laziness. This used to be a part of our lives. In our current storytelling, women are often raised up as almost infallible. Men are the doofuses who can’t think their way out of a wet paper bag. Women are paragons of leadership, wisdom, and nothing we do is wrong. This has infected us with a certain level of foolish self-trust and a whole lot of pride. Being raised on Women Can Do No Wrong stories has made us think more highly of ourselves than we should. We live in a day and age when it is considered abusive or misogynistic to create a female character who is weak, foolish, or inept.
And yet, how often are we weak, foolish, and inept?
And how dangerous is it to think we can’t be?
We all know or should know, that you treat every gun as if it is loaded at all times. Guns are dangerous and wise handling of guns respects that danger. Do you know what is more dangerous than a gun? Sinners who don’t think they’re sinners. The fool who thinks she’s wise, the flirt who thinks she’s faithful, the lazy one who thinks she’s diligent, the gossip who thinks she’s trustworthy. These are dangers that we should respect as possible for ourselves. It does none of us any good to think that wolves only come from outside the church and pretend they don’t come from inside. It does none of us any good to not realize that we’re capable of being foolish, silly women at any moment.
Thinking danger is only outside is imprudent and shortsighted.
It is leaving our theology at the doors of the church and not bringing it home. The church's greatest threat isn’t the world. It’s the sinners sitting in the pews thinking more highly of themselves than they ought. I’m my church's greatest threat. I’m the one most likely to destroy the peace and unity of my church. The same is true in my home. I’m the one who can poison a meal through neglect and laziness. I’m the one who can let mold and bacteria spread, leave clothes to rot, break little souls, and drive away my man. I can slip just a little in my self-control and rampage destructively through my home. Me. I’m the most dangerous person living here. I must remember that I can ruin my home financially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Me.
We can forget our jobs and make our homes unwelcome to the very person we swore to love, the brothers and sisters we made a vow to, the friends who have supported us, and the children we have brought into the world. We can create cold, despairing places. We can ruin our homes, ladies, if we aren’t guarding and gardening our hearts. We can show the world beauty while turning our homes into mass graves.
“…so give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light…”
How do we guard and garden our hearts so that we are less of a danger to our homes?
First, we faithfully attend and participate in the preaching of the Word. This is the first place Christ disciplines us. This is where He wields the scalpel and the sword to cut away our deadness. This is where we get wisdom. This is where we face our sin and our foolishness, where it is exposed by the light of the Word. If we want to tend our homes, we must first attend our churches. We must come praying that we will be both convicted and encouraged by the preaching. We don’t listen and point to others but examine our souls. This is where we plant the seeds of the fear of the Lord, laying up treasure in heaven, and poverty of spirit. This is where we gather rich soil for the flowerbeds of our souls. This is where we weep over sin and accept grace.
If we truly want our homes to shine out with warmth, merry durability, and cheering strength we start by humbly submitting ourselves to the Word preached on Sunday. We come as abject women knowing that without Christ’s grace, we will destroy everything that He has blessed us with. We come with tears of thankfulness because He has blessed us and we wish to use His blessings worthily. Ladies, nothing should keep us from regular faithful attendance to the means of grace. If we don’t have that, we have nothing.
Second, education and stories. Two wonderful gifts the Lord has given us are continuing education and fortifying stories. We should never believe we’re beyond learning something new or being reminded of something we forgot. I would humbly, on my knees begging and pleading, suggest that you find solid books on homemaking. We can zero in on one part of it, like making bone broth, or expand into a broad topic like decorating. Some books are practical and some are philosophical. Some books cover a wide range of things and some deal with minutia. There are older books and newer books. Podcasts, YouTube, blogs, and audiobooks are at our fingertips. Find what works for you and use it. We are never so well versed in our work that we can’t learn something new. And! It keeps us fresh. It keeps our heads and our hearts in the game.
Stories of all sorts help us practice being brave before we have to be. They can show us women who fail and are forgiven, women who spread wrack and ruin, and women who excel. All of these can help us. They can help us see potential pitfalls, face our sinfulness, and encourage us to keep going. These don’t have to be stories about women either. Part of the delight of being human beings is we can relate to and understand each other. We’re not relegated to only understanding life one-dimensionally. Some of us will be fortified by Laura Ingalls Wilder and some of us by Lord of the Rings and some of us by both. Some of us will gravitate towards stories with leading women and some of us will want leading men. We’re not required to only be fortified by one thing. I find cheesy action flicks to be fortifying as well as classical literature. The point is, stories help us find hope in the darkness.
Last, knitting circles. This is shorthand for the circles of maids, matrons, and crones that we weave around ourselves. Every one of us should be gathering fellow sibling saints into small communities. These are women who share our lives, who speak the truth to us when we don’t want to hear it, who encourage us to stay in the fight of mastering ourselves and loving our homes, who suggest improvements, who are filled with practical insight, who have some theological mastery, who love the church, their husbands, children, and home. We are relational, ladies. We are the ones who nurture small things, who tend to birth and death, who share food, and who grow herbs. We’re tenders, healers, and helpers. One of the best things we can do to help us not be the villains in our homes is to build a knitting circle filled with trustworthy women. Trustworthy. The proverbs have many warnings about how destructive foolish friendships can be, the dark places they can lead us. Care must be taken for who we allow in our lives. But, when we practice discernment, when we do take care, our knitting circle of fellow women in the trenches of tending homes can greatly aid us in guarding and gardening our hearts and our hearths.
I know this is heavy. I feel weighed down with the burden of my sin and the danger I bring to my home and my church. But we must face this. To do otherwise is even more dangerous. We must face the ugliness of who we are and trust in Christ’s grace, not ourselves. We must arm ourselves with truth, pick up our shields, weed our flowerbeds, and stay in the fight, first and foremost against ourselves. From this will spring the beauty of forgiveness, faith, hope, and love. From poverty of spirit will grow a greater understanding of Christ’s love. From this hard but rich soil, will grow homes of love and welcome.
