The Simple Life
“God doth not need
Either man’s work or his own gifts: who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly; thousands at his bidding speed
And post o’er land and ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and wait.”
In the slightly cooler dawn of the day, before the sun beats down the neighborhood with oppressive heat, I step outside to tend growing things, specifically flowers. In the road, a crow caws, loud and raucous. A hawk silently glides over the yard, a small Texas Brown snake suns on the walkway, a Texas Fence lizard warms on the back porch, and the cicada killers are on the hunt. Life abounds around me when I’m calm and slow enough to see it.
My day is comfortably active. Enough to keep me engaged and ready for bed by the end, but not so busy as to push me into a frantic state or cause me to snap if my man wants or needs to talk, or my nephews sneak over for candy, or my Mom and Dad call.
Cultivating a simple and quiet life has taken a lot of mental and emotional work. Some of it has been by choice and some of it is due to God’s providence. But the delight of calm living has enthralled me. The simple life lends itself to observation and thought. It allows you to open your eyes and heart to little things.
Little things—birds, mice, lizards, flowers, house plants—are easily missed or plowed over in a frantic life, but the little delights like coffee, books, and morning light are my daily reward for seeking a quiet life. Little things—texts in the morning between friends, the kids' favorite colors, growing boys, handwritten letters, embroidery, the smell of rain—are gifts the simple, quiet life gives every day.
I’m oh so thankful for the gift of delighting in the ordinary.
A simple life has its pitfalls and temptations, just like an active life. None of us gets to tend our souls in such a way that we don’t face trials and temptations. Guard and garden your heart and your hearth.
1) Laziness: There are only a few inches between calm simplicity and outright laziness. Those of us more drawn to a simple life must constantly guard against laziness. Once you adjust to saying no, and people stop asking you to do everything, you have to make sure you don’t become lazy. Calm isn’t lazy. But being so calm you say no to duties and responsibilities crosses the line into laziness. Be on guard. Calm simplicity is good. Sloth is not. I can’t tell you if you’re being calm or lazy. Only you can judge your heart and hearth. Just make sure you are practicing discernment and correction in this area.
2) Isolation: This is a special temptation for the more introverted of us. A simple life can move from quiet to isolation. The goal isn’t to never talk to anyone, it’s to not always be running and gunning from one thing to the next. If unguarded, this isolation can turn into self-focus. It can turn from knowing your limits and having boundaries to never facing any uncomfortableness for the sake of others. You can be so navel-gazing you can’t see when others need help. Some calm and simplicity must be sacrificed for the sake of those around you. Again, this is a fine line. With health issues forcing me into the necessity of a calmer, simpler life, it’s not as easy as “just serve more and be willing to sacrifice.” I have to be careful of those lines or I’ll go after things that are good because they’re seen instead of going after the unseen but better. This is the line we face.
If a simple and quiet life is a choice, make sure that choice leaves room for people. Not something every night, but once a week or every other week or whatever works for you and your home. Just make sure you make time for people. (Yes, I know you extroverts are dying, but this is said with the assumption that you’re also in church every Sunday and engaged in keeping up with your church family, via text or social media or whatever, during the week.) I try not to plan a social thing every week. Between spur-of-the-moment things, church, doctor appointments, and errands, one more social thing is enough and sometimes too much. Just make sure you’re not cutting yourself off entirely from people.
3) Extroverts: Just like those active families, those of us with more simple homes have to tend to the extroverts among us. This will require sacrifice and communication. It may require that you not attend events but be okay with them attending. It may require a balanced sacrifice. You may decide to plug an extroverted child into some training, sport, or art to use up that extra energy. That’s great! Not every kid will be good with a quiet evening at home. Don’t freak out. They don’t have to do all the things but be willing to give up a little calm for their sake. Clear communication between you and your husband will be necessary to find the right balance. Take stock of your home to make sure you’re not too cut off or engaged in too much.
4) Pride and Neglect: Be on guard against pride. If you have achieved a certain level of calm in your home and have reduced franticness, or even if you’re only working on it, don’t slip into pride. Don’t stick your nose up in the air and assume the worst of others because they’ve made different choices.
This can manifest as an assumption of neglect. We see our active sisters and assume, in our pride, that they must be neglecting something in their home to have the time to be always on the go, working, serving, socializing, and all those extra-curricular activities. Maybe they are. Maybe they’re using all that activity and franticness to avoid home or even their thoughts. And maybe they’re not. Maybe they can do all that and think and raise good kids and have time for their husbands and quietly observe their home. Just because you can’t doesn’t mean they can’t.
Either way, mind your own hearth. When you feel those hissy-fit thoughts rise up, kill them. Don’t kill discernment. Kill the pride that tries to make you feel better about your choices by putting others down. Focus on your home and let your sisters focus on theirs.
5) Misdirection: The last thing simple women must beware of is misdirecting their serenity. It is easy to lose sight of your church (by ‘church’ I mean attending the preaching, praying, baptism, and Lord’s Supper, and engaging in fellowship and hospitality, not extra-curricular ministries), husband and kids, hearth and home for the bright and shiny calling of the world. It’s easy to want to be seen and heard by more than your small community. Everyone wants that. Everyone wants to have the acclaim of men and the world. You must face this temptation with your eyes open because you will want to have a simple life while still appearing amazing to the world by neglecting your home. Make sure you keep your priorities in the right order even as you wrangle a simple life out of all the chaos out there. It’s easy to see the needs of the world only to miss the needs of your home.
Choosing to live life calmly and simply can be a hard choice. It requires you to let go and make room for others. It requires a lot of thought about what is good but might not be best, and you have to stay on guard against many pitfalls. But, the reward is calmness, space to breathe, completed—as much as humanly possible—to-do lists, and an opportunity to quietly enjoy the home you tend. Conversations that happen around the table with food instead of on the go in the car are a rich reward.
To each his own — both the simple life and the active life are good. Some will choose one, some the other. They’re both gifts. For me, I have found that a simple life has its beauty and that beauty is less stress, less franticness, and more space to breathe and see and tend. I have chosen that garden to tend as much as is in my power. For others, they have found the beauty in activity and constant engagement. That is their garden and I pray they find and see the beauty there, the beauty of the things they can do and the people they can serve.
