To Dress or Not to Dress, that is the Question

I don’t know about you, but I often find myself swinging from one end of the spectrum to the other on whether to view my domestic labors as a job or as a cozy hobby.

On the one hand, I want to take my day seriously, like a manager managing a business: dressed, makeup, uniform (apron), goals for the day, opening and closing the day, and marked productivity. On the other hand, this is my home. I want to be warm, comfy, relaxed, enjoying coffee, cozy nooks, piles of books, and my houseplants.

“This way and that way, this way and that way…”

My hair on any given day.

I would never go to a job un-showered, with hair like Ditchwater Sal, no makeup, and in my pajamas. It’s disrespectful, lazy, and shows a lack of decorum and taste. But we do all that in our homes. Home is where you should do those things.

Growing up, my parents instilled a very strong demarcation between our public behavior and our home behavior. At home, we could be silly, loud, rambunctious, and comfy. Out and about, we were to be respectful, quiet, properly attired, and serious (as different situations demanded).

So what do we do, when our work is our home? How do we strike a balance between delighting in the relaxed hominess of home, while also taking our work seriously and communicating that to others by our put-togethered-ness? I mean let’s be real, we should be able to wear sweats at home, but our families shouldn’t always be getting only the sloppiest view of us.

I go back and forth. I’ll get passionate about being “on” for my home. Every day I’ll get dressed, tame my hair, and put on an apron. Then I have a flare-up and the choice is removed. I have 1 spoon and it can be used to get dressed or to fix breakfast. Not both. One or the other. Or I’ll have days I hit the ground running and just can’t be bothered with more than a ponytail and a scuzzy t-shirt. I’m not going to stop to put on makeup or jewelry.

What I want is a purposed balance. I don’t want to swing back and forth. I want to make a wise, calm decision every day.

It is that ‘each day’ that is the balance.

Just like I begin each day with a general idea of what the day should hold and just like I try to start the day with a dinner plan review, I will review the day for appropriate clothing. If I’m going to be working on the computer—writing, accounting, and such—then it’s not a bad day to wear more comfy clothing. If I’m going to be in and out cooking and cleaning then jeans might be a better option.

Our husband’s tastes should be taken into account. My man isn’t super fond of makeup, so for home, me not wearing makeup every day is a good thing. Mothers also have to think about what they’re communicating. Home is a good place to be silly, but also to practice life. My Mom took getting dressed in the morning very seriously. I remember the first time a kid from public school asked if I did school in my pajamas. I made that weird “what?” face. It was only later that I learned many homeschoolers did do their schoolwork in their pajamas. My Mom was much stricter. She expected everyone to get up, get dressed, and get to work.

Finding a balance as homemakers can be challenging. And as soon as we think we’ve got it, life changes. That’s the ‘each day’ mentality. It’s holding onto the fact that managing a home is both routine and flexibility every day. Having an almost subconscious ‘opening’ and ‘closing’ helps me find this balance. I say subconsciously because I don’t want another to-do list. I want this to feel organic and natural, not at the front of my mind as one more thing to do, but as a habit in the back of my mind that signals the start of the time to take my work seriously and the finish when it’s time to enjoy the fruit of my labors. Right now, it looks like this:

Opening:

●       Me: showered, hair, dressed according to the day’s needs and my energy

●       Home: Tidied, the first round of dishes processed, kitchen ready for the day, bed airing.

●       Kitchen Journal out, calendar out, day and dinner reviewed, to-do list made.

●       Apron on.

Closing:

●       Tomorrow quickly reviewed.

●       Kitchen journal, calendar, and to-do list put away.

●       Me: pajamas on

●       Home: doors and garage closed, lights out.

It’s similar to when our moms closed all the curtains at night. The putting away of the work signals the end of the day and a time to rest, play, and rejuvenate.

Finding the work/home balance is a matter of what’s appropriate for the day, appropriate for our energy and emotion without being lazy or indulgent, and thinking about what we’re communicating to ourselves, our families, and our communities. Apron on means time to work. Apron off means cozy rest. Establishing some kind of rhythm helps us communicate to ourselves what is coming next and what we’re doing, which in turn communicates subconsciously with our families work or rest times.

As with every aspect of homemaking, finding the balance seems to require purpose and intentionality. It requires seeing why we do something, the boundaries of that action, and then being intentional about doing it on purpose. It requires bringing those subconscious habits out to the front of our minds so they can be examined, tested, and changed if need be, before returning them to basic muscle memory. This gives us the gift of daily balance so that even if it appears that we’re doing different things every day, we’re doing them on purpose for the sakes of our home, families, and our own sanity.