Letters to a Young Matron, Part 2
Dear Young Matron,
Hands on hips, apron tightly tied, survey your delegated domain. With purpose, not rushing through work to get to do more fun things, but seeing and welcoming the work and managing with purpose, diligence, and intentionality. Your man has delegated certain tasks and areas into your care and you wish to excel. You’ve mastered the fundamentals. The house is clean, laundry is done, and dinner is on the table, on time, not burnt. You’ve done an awesome job. Now what?
Three things:
● Specialize
● Feed your mind
● Older women
1. Specialize: this means to pick an area of your home and dig deep. To do this you need to know how you learn. Are you a visual or audio learner? Do you watch or read instructions? I’m not super motivated by researching online. The internet is a great resource for sure, and I use it, but I don’t often enjoy it. I enjoy learning through well-crafted stories, reading books, and learning through reading books. I think the sheer volume of information available online overwhelms me, whereas a book gives me blinders and an already-walked path. Either way, you need to figure out how you learn and then start digging deeper into your home. Educate yourself. Anything from electrical wiring to cupcake decorating, from tangible things like stain removal to intangible things like how foods interact with foods and the vast world of how food goes from field to shelves. Homemaking is only limited by the limits you put on it. Almost any subject fits under homemaking and can find a use in the home.
Make sure to notice what areas your husband would like you to be more proficient in and what you’re naturally drawn towards. Feed what you love while also strengthening your weaknesses. A lack of natural inclinations isn’t an excuse for ignoring certain areas.
Don’t try to learn everything at once. Pick a subject for the year or the next six months. Use your resources, libraries, the internet, and older homemakers. Challenge yourself. Do you want to be a Proverbs 31 woman? Learn! (See below for my top three homemaker books.)
2. Feed Your Mind: only a stupid man wants a stupid wife. Stupid is easy. You can just flit through life without a care in the world. The Bible says women are gullible, more gullible than men. If you’ve ever spent time with a group of giggly 7 year-olds, you see it.
Don’t turn this truth into an excuse. Because we’re more gullible doesn’t mean we get to indulge in ignorance and folly. It means we have to work harder. Grow your mind. Study philosophy, economics, history, and art. Read the classics, watch good movies and shows, study theology. The wiser and better-rounded you are the better manager of your home you will be. Also, take a deep breath! You’re not in college. There are no papers, no tests, no deadlines. Just pure learning for the delight of learning. And you get to do this the rest of your life. Find out what interests your husband and become familiar with it, enough to have a basic conversation. I try to maintain a passing knowledge of video games because my husband enjoys them. I do the same with philosophy though that’s a much bigger challenge for me. But he loves both of these things so I try to at least be able to engage with him.
If you’re in a phase with very little space, like working a full-time job, caretaking, or struggling with health issues, learning how to manage your home, and maybe pregnant very early, or any other scenario that leaves you with little time to grow your mind, focus on theology. (See list below for suggestions.) A deep understanding of theology is necessary for all of life. Put it at the top of your list.
Side Note: Do not go stumbling around in the dark. Ask your husband, pastors, and older women for sound theology. We are gullible, so be on guard. You don’t need to fill your brain with half-lies and cloudy applications. Not to be hard on our sex or shoot myself in the foot, but be on extra guard when reading women writers. Almost all of the ‘theological’ homemaking books I’ve read by women are riddled with theological errors. Price and I have had hours and hours of conversations about how off they all are, some in big ways and some in small ways. Price keeps asking me, “Why do you keep reading these?” I always say, “I have nothing else until you men start tackling the subject.” What I would give for some godly, theologically sound men to write some theological and philosophical work on women, homemaking, and our calling.
Feed your mind with truth. Learn discernment. Listen. Discuss things with your husband. Physical intimacy is so important in a marriage, but mental intimacy is too. Discussions, listening, and learning about each other, conforming your views to each other is just as intimate and strengthening to becoming one flesh as sex.
Be the kind of woman who can engage on multiple levels. It’s good for you, for your husband, your church, your friends, and your future children.
3. Older Women: I have said much about older women in my articles, but I think the main thing must be to make sure you have one, or several. You will need them. And be careful who you pick. They’re sinners too and won’t be perfect, but make sure they’re older and you can see the fruit of their labors. What is their attitude towards the church, their husbands, and their home? What is their experience level? How do their children behave? Do you get along with them? Do they gossip?
Be purposed and intentional about who you choose to train under. Use discernment here, as in all of life.
As you begin to make a home, learn to educate yourself and specialize so you can dig deep into home management.
Love,
A matron and fellow HearthKeeper
Education:
Home Comforts by Cheryl Mendelson: This book covers every aspect of the home and will blow your mind on the depth of home management. It goes from table settings, types of fabrics, lighting, and more. It also highlights the importance of these things and homemaking in general.
Home Management: Plain and Simple by Kim Brenneman: This book systematizes every element of homemaking and teaches you how to create your own systems. It is practical, a bit overwhelming, but it will help you be intentional.
The Hidden Art of Homemaking by Edith Schaeffer: While her theology is not the strongest, her incorporation of art into your homemaking is delightful. Lots of help here on being a domestic artist and enjoying and beautifying your home through your God-given artistic talents. This book is a great encouragement to not wait for some magical day to be an artist. Be creative and artistic now where you are in your home.
Further Reading:
