Letters to a Young Matron, Part 3
Dear Young Matron,
Here are three more practical things to consider. One is intangible, and two are pen-in-hand tangible.
Routine: One of the most important things you can embrace in your home is routine. I know, I know, it is so dull and boring, so suburban. So indicative of middle age, of giving up on life. Routine? Who needs it? Well, human beings do. Humans, by God’s design, need routine. Did you know that a form of contactless torture is to wake a prisoner from sleep with no routine? Just randomly enter his cell, screaming and yelling and whatnot. Not only can we not function without sleep, but we also don’t function well without routine. Routine creates stability and paths for communication.
As a young matron, I tried to make my whole day routine because I’m a VERY routine person. But, I quickly learned that that was a bad idea. HearthKeeping is total routine and total flexibility. It is both.
A morning routine and an evening routine are what I found to be the most helpful. Keeping ‘routine’ as a big concept, not a timeframe concept was also helpful. Mealtime routines are wise to put in place. It’s hard to successfully meal plan and cook dinner if it’s just open-ended, plus, dinner communicates subconsciously to the soul and body that the day is almost done and it is time to start moving towards rest. An overall week routine, if held loosely, can give you benchmarks, guidelines, and a sense of accomplishment.
The only routine not to hold loosely is Sunday. Sunday should be the starting point around which your routine circles. Do this now before children arrive or it won’t be there when you are sleep deprived and explaining why for the millionth time to a curious toddler. What do you need for Sunday?
● A good night sleep
● Time in the morning to eat and get dressed without franticness
● Clothes
● Lunch plans
● Dinner plans
● Restful, post-church activities
As much as you can, you need to not do any chores on Sunday. This is part of your tending. You need to rest and trust the work to the Lord. Your home and family won’t be calm if you aren’t. When you focus on the human needs for Sunday, you can start backtracking into the rest of the week so that things are done and ready for Sunday. Have the goal now to be at church, on time, all day, ready to listen. This is your success marker.
Routines change. That is why holding them loosely and as a big picture is so important. Routine is also necessary. They’re an important tool in your tool chest of tending. As a young homemaker give yourself time to find a rhythm. You’ll need to play with meal times, morning and evening routines, and how you prepare for Sunday. Sometimes you’ll make a routine change and it will be a disaster. That’s okay. Just keep practicing until you find something that works for where you are now.
Be aware of your routine. Be intentional. Don’t just let it sort of do its own thing. It is your tool to create calm bookends to your day, to create rest points throughout your day, and most of all to equip you and your family to hear the gospel and enjoy the means of grace.
Journaling: This is a bit of an odd suggestion, but it helped me be intentional so I thought I’d share it. Journal your day. This can be actual pen to paper, on the computer, in an app. It can be done on social media, from Instagram to blogs. Pictures, writing, drawing, poetry. However you like to express your thoughts or record your thoughts is fine. The idea is to teach yourself to notice your home.
When I first started doing this, I had my home broken down into fields: food, faith, finances, friends, fixtures, flowers, etc. I logged what I did in each field, why, how it went, my impressions, things to change, things to note. At the end of the day, I would do a more general, free-writing paragraph or two about the day’s wins and losses. I don’t do this anymore, but I did for a few years. It helped me see my home and be intentional about my tending. It helped me realize that everything I did, work and play, personal and familial, affected my home. It mattered what I was reading and how I took care of myself as well as what meals I planned and what plants I bought.
Some HearthKeepers make binders about their home, which can be helpful too.
Here’s the deal. As a new homemaker, once you know what your husband has delegated to your keeping, a journal will focus you, let you see growth, train you to be present, give you progress updates, make communication easier, and help you take your work seriously.
And, for the love of all that is home, make sure your journal is pretty, and the pens make you happy. Be as creative as you can or want to be. My 1st binder was filled with quotes, pictures, and notes. It was great and I loved it.
HearthKeepers are accused of being dumb and useless. Treat your home like your profession and your art. Both. This will help you delight in the work and excel in your work.
Journaling was a huge step for me in being intentional about my home. I highly recommend it in these early formative years.
To-Do Lists: Some of you will be compulsive list makers and some of you will be compulsive NO LISTS! makers. I would recommend finding a middle ground. I’ve done lists that segmented my whole day down to the minute, but now my lists are big picture lists for the week and then the day. Some of you will want command centers with wipe boards, calendars, and a home office.
Side Note: Besides a greenhouse with a chaise lounge and a wood-burning stove, an extra room off my kitchen to be a command center is the only major addition I would make to my home.
Some of you will want apps on phones, some use post-it notes and a basic calendar. However you go about it, to prudently use your time and intentionally manage your home you need to know what needs doing and if it got done. Establish and test now, before you add a whole passel of kids to the mix. Play around with your To-Do Lists. Figure out what works. This will help you establish a baseline for your home. (What is the absolute least amount that can be done in the home to keep it feeling homey? You need to know this because you will have weeks where you get sick or life is super extra busy. How long can your family go without the laundry being done? How many backup meals do you have and do you need?) Your To-Do List can help you get a sense of your home’s needs as you play around with it.
These lists can also help you see the delight of pouring yourself into your home. On the list can go not just laundry, but ironing, not just cleaning, but preparing for company, not just a shower, but date night.
Last, but far from least, make sure you note, put down, be purposed about what your husband asks you to do. His requests are your priority. Plus, it also helps him learn to communicate what are commands and what are brainstorms. Put his requests on the top of your list. It tangibly shows him respect and your willingness to follow him. It tangibly shows him that your home management is for his sake, not just something you do.
All these—Routine, Journaling, To-Do Lists—are suggestions for how to start being intentional in your home. It’s easy to both wing it or think it will just happen. It’s easy to disconnect in the repetitiveness. To manage your home well is to be prudent, diligent, purposed, and intentional.
Right now, you’re young and probably don’t quite have kids in the mix just yet. Use this time to learn your home. Use it to become a professional expert in home management. Then, as you add those wiggly bundles of adorable chaos, you will be ready to grow and tend them for as long as the Lord gives them to you. You will benefit your husband. You will be a help to him. Your home will be truly tended. And you won’t feel like a bump on a log, but like a matron managing her home.
Love,
A fellow matron and HearthKeeper
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